How I turned my rejection to acceptance
If you have ever tasted rejection, you will know that it is the worst thing to wish an enemy. This is what some of us who are gay face probably face for the rest of their life. The family who are supposed to be there for you are the ones who may spearhead the rejection process and somehow it spirals into the neighborhood and that will be the end of your chance to becoming relevant.
I have been there to the very end of it. I have reached that point of rejection where depression becomes your only companion. During my growing up years, I had a lot of male friends and at some point, I found out I bonded more with them than the females. This was because they were more welcoming and easily lend a hand to my problems. The girls, on the other hand, were repulsive and insulted easily. My zeal to try to be like everyone else in my family broke the day I approached one of my course mates in high school that I have secretly admired for so long to be my girlfriend.
You should know that feeling, the way your heart pounds beneath you breast and your breathing begin to pace. Several times in the past I would chicken out when I begin to get that funny feeling on sighting her but on that day after being teased a countless number of times by my friends, I decided to brave it. The school has just ended and she was pacing out with a pile of books hugged to her chest. I ran after her.When I got really close, I called her name, “Mandy”.
She stopped and turned around, stared me down from head to toe without saying a word. I refused to be intimidated and went ahead to express my feelings. I told her of my racing heartbeat each time I saw her. I made sure I didn’t leave out anything. She stood there like a cheerleader smacking noisily at a chewing gum. When I stopped talking, she stared me in the eyes and said,
“Are you done wasting my time?”
I said nothing. She turned and vanished into the distance while I stood there like a statue. Her attitude had created a scene and many students stared with eyes of sympathy at me. I subtly wished the ground would open and cover me up. As I grew older, I followed my earlier sexual inclination and began to hang out only with the guys. My parents and siblings didn’t approve of it but I didn’t let it bother me. I was too old to be bullied. When the rejection got worse, I had to move to a friend’s house. It was there that I became a gay male escort.
Now, people hire me without being bothered about my sexual inclination and some hire me because I am gay male escort. I have become what I want and I am happy. When I learned my dad has lost his job because of the recession I began to send him money for his upkeep. He now thinks that becoming gay was not a bad idea after all. When we talk on the phone and he keeps asking that he wants to see me. I can feel the remorse in his voice but I still don’t think I have forgiven them just yet. The love probably came because of what they are getting from me.